After the War
by fandomswecallhome
Summary: I did this story for my English class so I might continue it or might not. It may seem like a short chapter but it has more than 7,000 words. Its basically about what I think should have happened after Requiem. Maybe this is overdone but I don't really know cause I don't read much Delirium fanfiction so yeah. Im horrible at summaries so please give the story a chance. :)
1. Chapter 1

_**Just for anybody who hasn't read the Delirium Trilogy:**_

This fan fiction is based on the Delirium books. In them is pictured a world were love has been considered a disease. The medical term is _amor deliria nervosa_ although most just refer to it as the _deliria. _When one is eighteen, one has the procedure which makes you no longer love for the rest of your life. Nobody. Not you family or daughters or sons or pets or friends.

Nobody.

Even if you want to read this story I don't recommend you to because you haven't read Delirium. If you had you wouldn't be reading this. Especially since the title of this not is underlined, in italics, and in bold.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, Lauren Oliver does, together with the Delirium Trilogy.

After the War:

It`s been a while since Alex died, to be exact four years. I used to think that time healed wounds for that is what everyone says but I've discovered that its pure bullshit. Time doesn't heal. If anything it breaks you more.

The cureds won the war, making us scramble back into the Wilds with our numbers seriously diminished. The only good thing that came out of the war against zombieland was that some uncureds decided to join us, but that made no great difference in our numbers since we lost so many.

The worst about this is that I'm not even sure if Alex died. He promised me he would come back, but he never did. I preferred to believe he was dead than rather to think he broke his promise. After that Julian and I lived together in the small clearing that Alex had first showed me outside of Portland. Until this day his trailer remains untouched. Some nights I sneak outside of our small house – taking Grace along with me – and go into Alex's' trailer. I pick one of the many books that are scattered across the small place and start reading to Grace. Some nights I just sneak out alone and cry.

About two months ago the resistance called Julian. He left to Portland leaving Grace and I alone. He used to visit sometimes but a week ago a letter arrived from the resistance. It shattered my world once more and the funny thing is that it only contained four words.

_Julian is _dead_, sorry._

I cried for weeks after, scaring the hell out of Grace who still kept quiet. Grace is already thirteen so they could call her any time now to help the resistance. I decided that after my melt down I should start training her. The first part was physical just like I did when I first arrived at Raven's homestead.

Raven…..Her death is still heavy on me. The only thing that makes it better is to think that she is now with Blue, with the little girl who once reminded me of Grace. Who we buried by a river and the snow covered her softly through a storm, making her a part of our past. After her death Raven wasn't the same. She lurked in the back of the group with Tack by her side although she never said a single word. Then she died. Tack nearly committed suicide. It was as if Tack had decided to take Ravens old position but he was worse. When Raven was in the back she would murmur indistinct words and Blue`s name. Tack stayed silent making no sound – even his footsteps were silent – being more like a shadow than a human. He wouldn't eat or drink or sleep. Instead at night he would muttered her name over and over as if it would bring her back. After that our small group broke. It was too much of a sight for Grace. I too couldn't stand by anymore after so many loses. Now I`m determined to not end up like Tack.

I start training Grace. I make her run from side to side, to the old site of my first Homestead and back. I run alongside her because I too am weak. It reminds me of my first weeks at Ravens homestead. I used to carry buckets of water and run with them. I would tell myself that if I accomplished the task that I gave myself Alex would come back. Now as I run with Grace I murmur a small chant.

"_If you can do this Alex will come _back,_ if you can do this Julian will come _back."

I once read an old book that Alex had in his trailer. It dated back to the time when the deliria had taken over the world. The book was so old that the cover had faded long ago. It was about a girl who had her heart torn up into two pieces. There was this one quote from the book that made me stay up every single night.

"_Most people are lucky enough to have even one great love in their life. You have found two."_

My thoughts would go round and round because of that quote. Did I find two great loves in my life? Why did both have to go? Why I couldn't I stay with one when she had stayed with both?

When both Grace and I were strong enough I moved on to another part of her training. The mental part. Those who are cured are extremely passive, never losing control. The only cureds that explode in anger are those whose procedures went wrong. Just like Ravens dad who would beat her. So I teach Grace to stay calm under any situation. I scream at her face and sometimes even hit her. It's a torture for me but I have to prepare her for every circumstance. At night Grace sobs and I hold her telling her to be strong and that soon she will be ready. During the day she keeps her calm attitude - the one I taught her to keep - and we practice different conversations.

As soon as the training ends things go back to normal. Grace and I are happy in our world in the Wilds. We go back to sneaking out in the middle of the night to go to Alex trailer. Doing this makes me sad because there is no Julian to sneak away from. The people of our little clearing help us and take care of us. We have an easy life until a month before Grace's fourteenth birthday. That day a letter arrives.

_Dear Lena Halloway_

_The resistance is calling you in to help. Please report to us at_

_Raven's old homestead. We will wait for you at noon tomorrow._

_Please refrain from bringing any personal belongings that may_

_give you away to any person on the cured side._

That night Grace cries her eyes out. I spend all night up cuddling her and comforting her. I tell her that she will be fine and that the others will take care of her. After hours she says:

"Will you tell me a story..."

I nod and start.

"A long time ago when everyone could love freely there were two women. They both claimed that a baby was theirs but nobody knew which the true mother was. One day this was brought to the acknowledgment of King Solomon who summoned them both to his castle. Along with them they brought the baby. He heard out both of their cases and after much debating he still couldn't know for sure who the true mother of the baby was. Then he had an idea. He told both mothers that he had found a way to make both happy. His plan was to cut the baby in half so both mothers could have it. The cureds modified the story so it said that both mothers agreed and that the baby was cut cleanly in half leaving a never-fading blood stain on the floor. It said that the baby never again cried in its life. The true story said that one mother agreed to the Kings plan but the other said no. That`s how the king figured who the true mother was. Because she was willing to give up her happiness for the well-being of the baby."

"Lena?" Grace whispers.

"Yes?"

"Are you my true mother?" I can hear the sadness that tinges her voice.

"Yes, yes I am. That is why I`m leaving to help the resistance. So I can make a world in which you won`t have to be afraid and you can love freely." I kiss the top of her head hoping she`ll understand. After a few minutes she drifts off to sleep so I too drift away.

I dread the morning but it comes anyway. I wake Grace up and tell her that I`ve got to go. I give her a hug and a kiss on the top of her head while she is still groggy. I get up pull on clean clothes and leave. I stop by everyone`s house to ask them to take care of Grace. All of them agree because we are a close community.

I start my hike to Raven`s first homestead – the one that was destroyed – although I don't want to go. It`s as if my feet are controlling themselves. I dread the moment when I reach the Homestead. What if they send me to the other side of the country? Then I won`t be able to take care of Grace. I push the thought away. I once heard that if you think of stuff then they will happen so I begin to think that I will be sent for a short mission somewhere close to where Grace is. Then as if my mind has its own control my thoughts drift off to Alex. Maybe I`ll find him in the place they are sending me to. Maybe that`s why they summoned me, because Alex is with them.

Before I know it I`ve arrived at the old site of the homestead. The ruins that used to be here are even more damaged than they were when we lived here. I go see if the nests are still in their old spot. I climb the tree and find them there, all splattered in yellow. I go down and start to walk around the place watching the way the light falls upon the grass-covered ruins making them a bright neon green. I sit on one of the ruins and wait. Suddenly a man and a woman appear from the shade of the forest but keep close enough to it so their faces remain covered by the darkness.

"We've got a mission for you," says the woman.

"What is it?" I try to sound confident but my voice comes out shaky.

"We will send you into Portland. We need you to find a way to free some of our people from the Crypts. We know that you lived there before you came to the Wilds, but that's why we are choosing you. You might notice some kind of flaw that will help you set them free. At the southern part of the fence you'll find a woman waiting for you. She'll take you in and then help you get fixed up. You have two weeks to complete this task." Then both of them go back the way they came and just as fast too.

I go back to the clearing where Alex`s trailer is so that I can meet up tonight with the woman that will supposedly take me into Portland and then get fix me up a life. The tall grass gleams in the late afternoon. As I go into the clearing the sun is already setting on the horizon so I must be quick. I run to the side of the small house – In which I lived with Grace – and checked that Grace was asleep. I see her huddled under the blankets, her breath coming even and calm. With that I run past the clearing to the fence.

Once I reach the fence I walk to the breach in it. I wait for what seems forever until a woman appears at the other side. She helps me through and we make a run for it. As we pass the guard tower I see that the officer inside is slumped in his chair – snoring uncontrollably – deep in sleep. I can't help but smile. He looks exactly the same as the night that Alex took me to his trailer.

This thought makes my mind go blank and I swear that I stop running for one second. _Control yourself, Lena. On wrong step and you'll end in the Crypts. _I keep running not letting the thoughts of Alex make me lose my life. All too soon we arrive to the outsides of the city. Suddenly the woman speaks making me jump a little.

"I'm Sara," she says. "Did you see the sleeping guard? Well he's my husband so that's why they told me to get you across. Every time someone has to go through I'm the one they call."

Realization downs on me. Alex had spoken about her the night that we had gone to his trailer. She was the one who doped the guard. Before I can stop myself I blurt out:

"Do you know someone named Alex!?" My voice comes out tinted with anxiety and urgency.

"Yes," she replies quietly. "We actually are very good friends." Even though she uses the verb – to be – in the present tense there is something heavy on her voice.

"Do you know what happened to him after we brought down the walls?"

"He tried to escape back into the Wilds. He told me that he had to find Lena – the girl he's in love with – because he promised to her that he would find her. Before he could escape the regulators came in taking away everyone that was in the site. I barely had time to escape but they caught him. All the Homesteaders that were there – together with Alex – have been taken into the Crypts. It scared the living daylights out of me. The Crypts were emptied and then they tried to fit in as many people as they could hold. All of the 'Invalids' of course," she puts air quotes around Invalids for we hate that expression. "Alex is still there. You were sent here to free them weren't you? How do you know Alex?"

I gulp air at this. I don't know how to tell her that I`ve been waiting for him for almost for four years now. It isn't just that I don't know how to tell her but it's also that I can't. Every time I open my mouth to say something I choke on the words that try to escape my mouth. Instead I chose the simplest answer and explication.

"I`m Lena," I manage to mutter. Her face contorts into pure shock and horror. Before I even have time to absorb her reaction she steps forward and wraps me in a hug. All these months come flooding back to me and I start sobbing into her arms. We walk slowly to a building that is just at the edge of the city. I see nothing in front of me because of the tears that are welling up in my eyes. Sara keeps a firm grip on my hand and leads me into an apartment. We sit down on a couch and she holds me while the sobs escape my body. I don't know when but I eventually fall asleep and I feel Sara letting go and pulling a blanket over my body. It wraps me in a warm and safe state where nothing can harm me and I'm at peace.

After I wake up Sara tells me that I'm living in the apartment across from her. After gathering my few belongings and taking them to the other side of the hall I tell Sara that I'm going to spy on the Crypts.

"Sure but be careful and don't let anyone see you," she says in a concerned voice.

I make my way to the Crypts keeping to the shadows. I try to keep to myself and the only times that I actually communicated to someone were because I was so concentrated on keeping low that I bumped into them. I finally reach the Crypts and I see a couple of guards standing at the door. I sulk at the edges of the building that is beside the Crypts. Suddenly someone comes out from it and I view it as my chance to get a better sight of the Crypts. I bolt into the building and run through the stairs until I reach the roof.

I look down. The people crossing the street can't see me so I`m completely covered. I seat down near the edge so I can keep watch on the roof and on the door. On the roof of the Crypts there are six guards – four on each corner and two on the door – all of them silent and _stiff. _One of the many marks that gives them – the cureds – away. I stay watching seeing as they take shifts and I write down the timings of the shifts. I stay like this for several days until I decide that I should see the inner security. That night I ask Sara if she could take me into the Crypts. I hope she says no because although it's essential for the plan I`m scared to go into that place again. Unfortunately she says yes.

The next morning I wake with a feeling of dread in my gut. I start chanting under my breath the children song that we used to sing while jumping rope. I don't know why but it has always calmed me down.

_Mama, mama help me get home._

_I`m out in the woods, I`m out on my own_

_I found me a werewolf, an ugly old mutt_

_It showed me his teeth and went straight for my gut._

_Mama, mama help me get home._

_I`m out in the woods, I`m out on my own_

_I was stopped by a vampire, a rotting old wreck_

_It showed me his teeth and went straight for my neck._

The last verse I had always recited them with dread and horror but now I sing them with joy for I now know the truth.

_Mama, mama put me to bed_

_I won`t make it home, I`m already half-dead_

_I met an Invalid and fell for his art_

_He showed me his smile and went straight for my heart_

As I finish the last verse Sara comes out of her apartment only making me murmur even faster the song.

"Are you ready to go?" she asks. I nod my head not trusting myself to speak. "Remember to keep close attention to every detail because you only have this once."

We start walking toward the Crypts with Sara dragging me by one hand trying to make me walk faster. I guess that means that I had started dropping back and trying to delay my 'visit' to the Crypts. When we finally arrive there I start getting into my act. I sulk and put on my I'm-scared-to-go-into-the-crypts-I-promise-ill-be-a-good-girl look. It isn`t very hard since I`m already pretty scared. As soon as we reach the two guards I get goose bumps and I feel like I`m choking on the air I breath.

"Hi Sara. Do you need anything?" Of course they know her. She must come here a lot because of her husband.

"Actually yes, they asked my husband to take this young girl to the crypts to teach her a lesson," she says aloud and then – leaning closer as if to tell him a secret – says; "She already has had her procedure but yesterday she was found singing, laughing and dancing in Back Cove." At the mention of Back Cove I jerk up and shake a little. I think the guard took this as an emphasis because he nods his head to Sara and opens the door. Inside there are another couple of guards. She repeats the same story to them and then they start to take us on a tour. I try to retain as much information as I can, but I feel like I can`t breathe. Even though I know that we must be several stories high I feel as if we have been buried alive. After the tour is over I thank God for letting me get so much information and also getting out alive. As we approach the door Sara puts an arm in front of me, so I stop and then she walks up to one of the guards.

"Hey, I really need to give this girl a big scare. If not, things will get ugly," she says in a low voice. "Do you think that maybe we could lock her up for about an hour in one of the cells…" He gives her a malicious smile. _Uh, oh sadistic cured. _

"Which one?" He asks her with a thick, low voice.

She only says a single word. "Alex."

I start shaking pretty badlybut not because I`m afraid of being locked up in a cell for an hour. Because I might get the chance to actually _see_ Alex. I guess that I look very scared because the guard only grins wider and leads me to a door. He opens it and shoves me in. I hear the lock click behind me and a timer being set. Then I opens my eyes and stare at the darkness.

"Alex?" I croak out. I`m almost having a seizure now.

"Lena?" I hear Alex voice come out of the darkness. "Lena is that you?"

"Yes," I manage to mutter before sobs start racking my body. I hear some shuffling in the dark and then there are arms wrapping around me.

"Shhhh, shhhh it`s okay. It will be fine. We are ok you know? The rest of the world might not be but we are." He holds me in the dark and pushes me into his chest, and we sink into the ground. Then he pulls away and starts kissing my tears away, just how Rachel told me that Thomas would. He plants each kiss on top of one leaving a hot-but-cold feeling on my cheeks. After a while he then places his lips on mine carefully as if he was afraid that I would break. He then kisses me slowly but passionately and I kiss him back. My hands fly up to his neck and he pulls me by my waist. It`s as if the months that we spent separated didn't exist and that we are the same boy and girl that kissed inside that foul-smelling attic after just almost-dying. We stay like this for some time – kissing – until we both pull away heaving heavy breaths.

"C`mere," Alex says and I scoot over and lay on his chest.

We spend the rest of the hour talking about what happened, but it doesn't really matter. We are okay now. We whisper promises to each other – promises that we both know cannot be kept – about our lives. How he would find a way to escape and we could go back to the Wilds and live finally in peace. How we would finally be together without having to check our backs constantly for regulators. How he wouldn't die here.

Before we knew the hour was up and the guard was pounding on the door telling me that time had already passed. Alex gives me one last lingering kiss and says:

"Promise me you will come back."

"I promise."

During our walk home, neither Sara nor I say a single word. All I could think about was Alex and how I had to get him out. _I promise._ When we finally get home I give Sara a huge hug thanking her getting me to spend some time with Alex. Then I bolt into my apartment and start writing down the info that I collected. After about a week and a half I already had a plan formulated.

Sara`s POV

The attack is starting in a few minutes and I feel my hands shaking. I hope Lena`s right about this, if not it will all go to the trash and we can say goodbye to the chance of getting our numbers back. _PIPPIPPIIPIPIPI,_ my alarm blares. It`s time for the attack. I and several other 'sympathizers' are going to create some distraction on the fence so that most of all the guards of Portland – including about forty guards from the Crypts – will be concentrated on that specific spot on the fence leaving the rest of it unguarded so that the homesteaders can go through. It also leaves the Crypts extremely vulnerable – for only ten guards will be left – so that Lena and another group of 'sympathizers' can free the homesteaders.

We start running toward the fence wearing masks to conceal our identity. Several of us throw eggs and others just scream and whoop. I remain silent only running along with the crowd. I hope this plan works.

Lena`s POV

The attack has started. We wait several minutes for the guards to start going to the fence and then we enter. First off we electrocute the two guards at the door just as the six guards on the roof start firing. They fall to the floor with a thud – their bodies still shaking with electricity – and I carefully kneel down and get the keys of the door. As we enter the Crypts we are instantly met with the couple of guards that guard the entrance. Both of them dart our direction with their guns raised. The sadistic cured one goes up to me and throws a punch to my jaw, but I duck and the kick him where it counts. He sinks to the ground clutching his _part, _and I take good use of this and kick him on the ribs. Then I throw a good punch to his face. I hear a faint _crack_ and the guard instantly blacks out with blood gushing out of his nose. I stand up and see that everybody is just looking at me, waiting for me. After we have taken down the two guards our small group of ten starts opening the cell doors. The Homesteaders start running out of their cells like crazy. I guess that spending four years in them _must have_ driven them crazy. After about ten minutes, the five guards of the roof get down and start battling us, but we win over them in less than two minutes since our numbers are bigger. After the battle we head in different ways to unlock the cell doors that are on other levels. I run to the stairs and immediately take the second level. I start opening cell doors like crazy until all of them are open except one.

Alex`s.

Alex POV

I hear screams and running footsteps on the other side of my door. I wonder what's going on. They might be torturing one of the other Homesteaders. The guards like doing that. They make it a game between themselves and they bet. They bet on how long the person will hold before they die. I remember the first time that I was here. It was after I tried to escape with Lena to the Wilds. The guards took a special interest on me. They would beat me and cut me until I passed out. The thing was that they didn't want _me _to die. They were just toying with me as if it amused them to see my agony. I guess they did. The sole thing that kept me alive was Lena. _Lena_. It's been about a week and a half since she came to visit me. I still remember the way she acted; brave but she was actually breaking. I hope I see her again.

The running steps are now coming closer. I get up and grab for a rock that I have hidden under my mattress. I won`t let them hurt me again, not ever. I hear some fumbling at my door and I check my stance. It has to be firm if I don't want to be thrown to the ground. As it opens I see Lena standing at the doorway. I run to and pick her up by the waist. She shrieks and punches my back but I keep carrying her while I run to the door of the Crypts. I feel so happy and free. I feel so joyful. It might not even be because I`m leaving the Crypts. It`s because of her. I love her so much. I have loved her for the past 15 years.

Lena`s POV

Alex carries me out the door and toward the exit of the Crypts. By now all the homesteaders have been freed and are now running all around us. One of the 'sympathizers' that was on our rescue party comes to the front and screams:

"We are freeing you. Please follow me toward the fence and follow all my orders."

The homesteaders all scream in approval and then we start running. Alex puts me on my feet and takes my hand. I'm so glad it all worked. We run through the city scaring the hell out of people. Adults scream – which is rare for cureds – and sprint into their houses. Children peek through the windows away from the eyes of their mothers. The whole city is like a dessert. The streets are empty and nobody is out.

Everybody thinks that we are dangerous, that we are monsters. Little do they know that the real monsters rule this city. They live inside their houses. And those monsters tell them: Don't think, don't speak, don't act. We will do the thinking, the speaking and the acting. All you have to do is stay inside your little lives and follow all we say and you`ll be all right. While that we`ll destroy the world so that you follow our rule. So that everybody turns into a _zombie._

_Our little zombies._

We finally arrive at the fence which is unguarded thanks Sara`s work. They all start climbing and the sympathizers start sprinting back toward the city. They all have taken a huge chance today. If any regulators saw them even close to the fence their covers would be blown.

"Hey," I grab one of them by the arm. "Could you please tell Sara that I thank her for everything?"

He gives me a curt nod and runs off. I turn toward Alex and he kisses me. Not a desperate or hungry kiss but a soft one. His lips are soft and full against mine. At first I freeze but then I snake my arms around his neck. Before we even know we are the last ones on this side of the fence. As we start climbing I hear alarms blaring behind us and shouts. _Regulators are _behind _us_, I think as my gut fills with dread. I black out after feeling something sharp hit my head…

I wake up inside a white sterile room tied to a chair. Alex is sitting on the other side of room also tied down. I start screaming and squirming until a man in a white vest comes in.

"I`m Charles Brook," says the man. "I`m here to assist the both of you and to explain the situation to the both of you." I look at the other side of the room were Alex`s eyes are wide open. "The both of you were found by the fence after a giant escape from the Crypts. All the other Invalids escaped to the Wilds but you two were the only ones left. The both of you are obviously contaminated with _amor deliria nervosa._ We have decided to cure you both even though you both are Invalids. The mayor Fred Hargrove also decided to punish one of you with the torture to watch the other one being cured. We decided to leave this decision up to the both of you." I think about all the torture Alex had to go through. Of all the days he had to spend shivering in the Crypts. _How did they make that scar – the one that runs from his left eye to his jaw – and did it hurt._ I remember his carefree smile and ease. He lost those.

Because of _me. _

Before I can stop myself I blurt out:

"I will do it, I`ll watch Alex get cured."

Alex`s face contorts into pure horror and then says, "No Lena I`ll do. I can't let you go through this."

"Please Alex, you have been through so much because of me. Please just let me do this, please for me…. Okay?" I mutter with tears welling up in my eyes.

"_Okay."_ he says.

"Perfect!" exclaims Charles. "Now let`s go to Alex`s procedure."

Two men go into the room and start carting our wheelchairs into a hallway. After they untie us and let us stand. Just as they are pushing Alex through the door he leans into me and gives me a kiss full of love. He leans into my ear and says something I never thought I would hear again:

"_I love you. Remember they cannot take it,"_ he mutters.

"I love you too." is all I can say as they push him into the room. I run to the window just in time to see them start to strap Alex to the table. Just as the procedure is about to start I lose it.

"ALEX" I sob and pound the glass, "Alex."

But it's too late they have inserted the machine into his brain and it has already begun to cut into his life making him one of them. I think of the day that I asked Alex why he liked me – the day of my….our first kiss – and he told me his story about how he grew up in the Wilds. He told me that when he first moved here he despised it and that he would go to the fence and start burning stuff. One day he noticed that the birds would move from side to side of the fence. This was when he first realized that not everything in Portland was enslaved and that some things were still free. One day while he was walking around the Governors plaza he saw us – me and Hana – doing our running track. We used to whoop and shout and when I reached the Governor I would always try to slap his fist. He told me that I was free. Since that day he had liked me. I think of the lazy days in 37 Brooks and our race to the buoys. I think of the time when he told me to go over the fence – that he would be right behind me – and then sacrificed himself.

I snap back to reality as the guards start dragging me away from the glass. I start screaming and I squirm free from their grip. I run as fast as I can to the glass to see Alex siting on the table. He turns around and I meet his eyes. They`re glassy and fractured and broken.

_They are dead._

I double over as a sob racks my body. I recognize that type of eyes for those are the eyes that every single cured has. My Alex is dead.

The guards come forward and drag me away to my procedure. I scream and squirm but I know that there is no way that I will break free. I`m not doing this because of that anyway. I`m doing it because they took Julian away from me and now Alex too. I remember of a conversation I once had with Julian while we were captured by scavengers after he found out that I was a homesteader.

"_You were calling for Alex." Julian says, and I feel a small spasm of pain in my stomach. More silence, then: "It was him, wasn`t it? He`s the one who got you sick."_

"_What does it matter?" I say. I lie down again._

"_So what happened to him?" Julian asks._

"_He died," I say shortly, because that`s what Julian wants to hear. I picture a tall tower, smooth-sided, stretching all the way to the sky. There are stairs cut in the side of the tower, winding up and up. I take the first step into the coolness and shade._

"_How?" Julian asks. "Because of the _deliria_?" I know that I say yes he`ll feel good. _See,_ he`ll think. _We`re right. We`ve been right all this time. Let people die so we can be right.

"_You," I say. "Your people."_

_Julian sucks in a quick breath. When he speaks again, his voice is softer. "You said you never had nightmares."  
I wall myself up inside. From the tower, the people on the ground are no more than ants, specks, punctuation marks; easily smudged out._

"_I`m an Invalid," I say. "We lie."_

That was before we fell in love. It was when I hated him. It was also before Alex came into our group – he hadn't died at the fence – acting weird and pretending to hate me. Now it came rushing back to me every single day that I spent free. Free from fear and free to love. I remember seeing Alex on the observation deck and then the cows rushing in. I remember the rally night when the regulators attacked the party and Alex saved me. I remember the warmth of my first kiss.

I remember Julian`s voice asking me how the _deliria _felt. I remember the kiss we shared and then the morning when were taken back to our spots in the world. I remember my desperation when I saved him.

By now my head is pounding from my sobs and I`m already strapped to the procedure table. I start shaking and screaming trying to delay it although I know that I won't stop it. They`re about to sedate me when my sister Rachel and my aunt Carol go into the room. They make their way to my side and then the scientist leave so we are alone.

"How do you feel?" my aunt asks.

"Well I`ve just seen the boy I love being ripped away from me and now I`m going to turn into a zombie so I think that I can say that I`m having a pretty great day." I half-say half-shout with sarcasm dripping from my words.

"Come on, Lena. It will be alright." my aunt tells me.

"Yea I`m sure it will."

"Yes it will." my aunt says as if she didn't notice the sarcasm in my voice. "Bye, we`ll see you after you`re cured," And with that they leave.

The scientists come back and start strapping my wrists and feet against the metal table. When I think they are about to sedate me so the procedure can start a scientist comes up to me and says,"Considering that the procedure didn't work three times on your mother then we will do the procedure on you without the sedation."

I feel white hot tears stream down my face at the thought of being awake as they cut into my brain. I feel a pang of pain in the left side of my neck right were my fake procedural scar is. It now had started. The machine takes on minute to paralyze my nerve cells so that I won't move but I will feel.

Right before they start to cut my brain someone else comes in. It`s Alex.

"Hi Lena, how are you?" His voice is steady and calm but a few words are shaky.

"Alex?" I mutter since I`m already partially paralyzed.

"I just came to tell you that it will be alright. I am talking about the cure. You might think that it is a bad thing now but after they are done with you it will be all peaceful. You`ll no longer feel pain." He is calm but suddenly his starts shaking and shivering. "Lena, I love you. Remember. They." Before he finishes the sentence he stops shaking and goes back to _normal._ "I better go now."

"Alex!" I say as loud as I can. "I love you too. Please come back." He gives me a puzzled look and then leaves.

I now think it`s good that I`ll be awake during the procedure because I will be able to feel the hatred that is boiling in my veins. The hate that the cureds have put there. But I can also feel the love in my heart, the love that I felt for every single person of my family. The thing is that Aunt Carol and Rachel aren't my family anymore. My family is Raven and Tack whom helped me be strong. My family is Hunter and Bram whom gave me a friendship when I had none. My family is Blue who showed me that no matter your age or size you can still be brave. My family is every Homesteader and heart that fights to bring down Zombieland and to have the right to love freely. Most of all my family is Alex and Julian. Alex for he taught me to love and showed me freedom and loved me for what I truly was no matter what. Julian for he trusted me and loved me when the rest of the world shouted not to. And all of them because they showed me different types of love, but love nonetheless.

And as I think about this I make a silent vow to myself. I won't let the hatred that curses through my veins die because – as I once thought when I was sitting in the dark by Julian – hatred is too close to passion. Passion is too close to love. So since I can't have love I'll have hatred and I will bring them down so the world can be once again like the one in Alex books and in Julian's songs.

I close my eyes and rest. I'm lying inside the tower now, right at its center. The wind drifts through the open window and I can feel it in my face. I cry silently. The tears stream down my face and into the air. I feel the beating of my heart slow down. It almost isn't beating at all. I think of Julian's and Alex`s hearts which – if they were here – would be beating at the same time as mine. I hear shouts and footsteps coming from the stairs. As I get up the door busts open.

A scream erupts from my mouth and black spots dance through my eyes.

_The procedure has begun. _


	2. Chapter 2

It's been a while guys. You're probably mad at me for not having updated in such a long time and are probably going to be even angrier when you see the length of this chapter. I wasn't really planning on continuing this story (on account of how sucky it is) but you guys convinced me so thank you, I'm really grateful for that. i promise to update more from now on. Thank you sooo much.

-Day

It´s cold, I can't even feel my hands or feet. Everything is white, it's like I'm lost. Everything is silent, it's like I'm empty. Everything is still, I wonder if I'm alive.

And then the beating of my heart brings me back. It's rythical, predictable, steady; it feels safe, it feels lonely. The room is indeed white. Every single inch of it like there is no place for any other color. The sheets stick to my body and I shiver as I rip them away from my body and sit up on the edge of the bed. Almost instantly my head starts pounding and I dubble over as I blink away the black spots in my vision. The moment my feet touch the floor I regret leaving the safety of the bed as I realize the only thing I'm wearing is a paper-thin nightgown that reaches my mid-thigh. The door is unlocked when I try to push it open and in an instant I find myself standing in a long corridor, the left side lined with identical walls while the right side has roof high windows. A crimson carpet runs it's length and contrasts against the sharp white. I start down the hall, shuting the door softly behind me, and I walk. I walk for what feels like hours. My head still feels empty like somethings missing, my heart still keeps the same steady heart beat.

Finally I see somebody else at the end of the hall, a tall boy with auburn hair. He turns around, as if sensing my presence, and stares at me. I don't dare take a single step more, his gaze has got me paralyzed. It's his eyes. Hazel with flecs of gold, look broken, lost as they wander aimlessly through space. They scare me.

"Do you know where we are?" I ask him, my voice in a monotone. It echoes of the walls and vibrates in my ears but all I can hear is actual silence.

"No. I don't. I'm trying to find out." His voice is like mine, slow and steady, drowning in the silence. He doesn't move or say anything else, just keeps on staring on ahead to that unkown spot as if it might safe him. I gather up the courage and start walking again and my heart keeps steady as I pass him.

"Wait. We're both lost. Let's find out where we are together." I'm tempted to say no and when I truna round to face him I'm completely sure of it but then I hesitate. It's something about his face, his eyes. Helplessness. I feel like I know him, I can't just leave him behind.

"Alright come on. What's your name, stranger?" I ask him and sart walking off leting him catch up with me.

"Alex."

"I'm Lena. Lena Haloway."


End file.
